Still Strugglin'

In their plan to take over the world, Google released their Instant Messenger, Google Talk. You can get it here.

As we all know, Google despises Mac and Linux users for some reason, so if you want to access Google Talk with an Apple computer, you'll have to use a Jabber enabled client (like Adium X), set up a Jabber account with your Gmail user and pass, at server talk.google.com port 5222 and check 'TLS encryption' - that's it, you're done. No voice chat like in the official Windows client though :(

Among the things the fabulicious Internet shows us that we would have never seen things like that otherwise, are videos like LINDOMAR, the Brazilian Sub-Zero - yeah, go figure.

So what If I have been sick and unable to work for almost 5 months now?

So what if my car was stolen just in this time of need?

So what if I am taking bank loans to pay previous bank loans?

So what if I had to learn a lot about Wordpress and PHP so I could (try to) get some jobs and earn some money off the net, since the economy here's been so down, nobody wants to pay sh*t for translations (and I'm a damn good medical and literary English-Portuguese translator)?

So what if I am bleeding a lot now after a severe scratch episode, the third one today?

I will solve my problems, even if my atopic eczema goes on and on. I just know it.

And what makes me believe this is one fact only: I have found love. Except for one girl a long time ago, I could never hold my interest in someone for more than 1 week, 1 month tops. And now I've found my love.

There is so much truth in the popular old sayings. I get impressed sometimes.

By the way, Aug. 4th was my birthday - here's a pic of the party.

If you don't know them yet, you surely should go check'em out:

- Postsecret

- Grouphug

28 years old.

And the three first ours of my birthday were the best of the last two years, maybe more.

Genuine happiness.

I had forgotten how it was to feel like that.

'Everyday, a shade of blue
You won't believe
What I'm going through
It just feels like I can't afford to let myself go
No, oohooo no...

Everyone is just the same
They touch me
But I can't say

There has been no one brighter than you
I can't deny these things that I do
Feels like the world's at stake 'cause
I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you

Heavenly, that's what you are
You're burnin' me like a shining star
How am I supposed to be that king without you
Ooohooo...it's true yea

Everyone is just the same
They love me
But I can't say

There has been no one brighter than you
I can't deny these things that I do
Feels like the world's at stake yeaaahh...
I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you'

(Waiting for you - Seal)

I am tired.
I am so fuckin' tired.
I hate being sick and not being able to work and all that.
I hate the fact that I have worked 2 years and a half in an almost insane rhythm and spent everything I earned in psychotherapy, regular and alternative medications, only to see my disease getting the better part of me and getting progressively worse. Now it feels like it's been a completely worthless fight.
Now I am making bank loans to pay my previous loans' monthly fees. Is there a more pathetic situation than that?
To add to the beautiful scenery, my parents have completely abandoned me to my luck (or lack thereof). I never asked them a single cent after I graduated (2002) and now, in my darkest moment, they just don't care.
My father didn't die this year because of me. Because I saved him, I was awake when he had his 'strokes' and both times he would've been dead by the morning if I weren't a doctor and awake at 3-4 AM because of all this itch scratch eczema thingie I've got going on. Not that I expected eternal gratitude (I think it was the least a son could do), but I never expected such indifference from my state. Such abandonment. Makes me wonder why I spent so many years of my life trying to prove my 'value' to him. It's just like a movie cliché: the more the father is indifferent to the son, the more the son needs to prove himself. So lame.

And, as dreadful as it may sound, today I told my parents I don't want to have lunch with them tomorrow (my birthday), I don't even wanna see them. And I told them I didn't like them. That maybe this feeling would go away if I got myself up again, recovered enough for me to work and pay all these fucking debts, and stayed away from them for 3 to 6 months. But right now, I don't like them and I can't do anything about that. And I tried so hard not to feel like this.

Luckily I am in love with a wonderful woman and she loves me too, and it all happened so fast.

And she gives me so much strength. She renews my will when I am about to break. And she makes me want to be the person I am when I'm with her all the time. The same person I lost long ago, sometime in 2001.

So Apple has finally decided to enter the 90's (yes, the nineties) and released a stupid mouse with a stupid name and no ergonomics... But now with more than one button and a scroll wheel (ball?)! Weee!

At least the design is pretty, as are all Apple products (except for that horrible eMac computer), though I think I liked Microsoft's Philippe Starck mouse series better, they also have great design and horrible ergonomics.

But, seriously, there's no way to compare this 'mighty mouse' to a Logitech MX series or to my own Intellimouse Wireless Explorer.

And yes, I am a loyal Mac user.